Topic: Almond Milk

A new segment titled "First World Problems" debuts, featuring a viral complaint about a $9.50 iced vanilla latte. The discussion highlights the extreme upcharges for alternative milks and tips in 2026, contrasting these mundane complaints with the lack of economic prosperity felt by younger generations.

Major candy brands like Almond Joy and Mr. Goodbar have subtly changed their labeling from "milk chocolate" to "chocolate candy" or "chocolatey." This shift occurs because manufacturers are replacing expensive cocoa butter with alternative fats like palm oil, which disqualifies the products from the FDA's strict definition of milk chocolate. The hosts warn consumers that "mouth appeal" is being prioritized over traditional ingredients due to rising cocoa costs.

European farmers are protesting major cuts to agricultural subsidies and restrictive climate change policies. The hosts discuss the "milk is murder" movement popularized by celebrities like Joaquin Phoenix and criticize the proliferation of nut-based milk substitutes, which they argue are environmentally taxing and unpalatable.

The hosts promote the No Agenda Stream and the Gitmo list before discussing the decline of traditional dairy consumption. They mock the millennial preference for "nut sap" or "nut slurry" (plant-based milks), debating the ingredients used to keep these liquids in suspension. The segment includes a humorous exchange about the "cow pus" narrative often used by activists to discourage drinking cow's milk.

Dean Foods, the largest milk producer in the United States, has filed for bankruptcy. The company's decline is attributed to a 40% drop in U.S. milk consumption since 1975 as consumers shift toward soda, juice, and plant-based alternatives like almond and soy "milk." The loss of local brands like Berkeley Farms is noted as a consequence of the company's financial failure.

FDA Commissioner Scott Gottlieb is considering enforcing federal standards that define "milk" as a product derived from healthy cows. This would potentially force manufacturers of soy and almond beverages to change their labeling. The National Milk Producers Federation supports the move, while critics argue that modifiers like "soy" or "almond" are sufficient to prevent consumer confusion.