Episodes

Representative Mike Rogers appeared on CNN to describe Syrian rebel training grounds as a Jihadi Disneyland, while First Lady Michelle Obama utilized the presidential podcast to promote the #BringBackOurGirls campaign. These narratives coincide with the fall of Homs and a strategic shift in the Syrian proxy war toward disrupting Iranian-backed energy pipelines. The U.S. State Department has further complicated regional stability by granting enhanced diplomatic status to Ahmad Jarba and the Syrian Opposition Council. NPR appointed former MTV executive Jarl Mohn as CEO to address a massive budget deficit, signaling a shift toward commercialized listicle journalism. In Texas, the fatal police shooting of 93-year-old Pearlie Golden sparked protests in Hearne, while President Obama attended a $32,400-per-plate fundraiser in San Jose hosted by Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer. International tensions rise as 400 Academy mercenaries reportedly enter Ukraine using U.S. loan funds, and Chinese businessman Wang Jing moves forward with a Nicaragua Canal project to rival the Panama Canal. Meanwhile, the European Union moved to mandate vehicle tracking devices, and the FTC settled with Snapchat over deceptive data privacy claims. Adam Curry and John C. Dvorak prepare for a broadcast from Tokyo while dissecting the mystery of the WebDriver Torso YouTube channel. The duo explores the mechanics of ham radio via the AnswerServe protocol and critiques the patriotic sadness of David Letterman’s Mother’s Day tributes. Between discussions of Neve RV88 audio plugins and the failure of music streaming algorithms, the hosts maintain their role as leaders of the mainstream media separatists.

The first United States case of Middle Eastern Respiratory Syndrome (MERS) has been detected in Indiana, involving a health worker traveling from Riyadh via London and Chicago. This potentially fatal respiratory illness, which mirrors the high mortality rates of the SARS virus, arrives as Adam Curry and John C. Dvorak report on severe mold-induced health crises in Austin and the rising tide of contagious stress in youth. German media outlet Bild reports that thousands of CIA and FBI advisors are currently stationed in Kiev, contradicting White House claims of limited involvement in the Ukraine crisis. Meanwhile, the Chinese state-owned shipping giant COSCO is positioned to seize control of the Piraeus port in Greece, signaling a strategic axis between Berlin and Beijing that bypasses traditional European Union frameworks. In the United States, the Justice Department's Operation Chokepoint has prompted Chase Bank to terminate the accounts of adult film stars like Stoya, while a group of investors led by Brock Pierce attempts a suspicious buyout of the bankrupt Bitcoin exchange Mt. Gox. The 2014 White House Correspondents Dinner has fully transitioned from a press event into a Hollywood spectacle, with long-time Hilton staff noting the shift from scotch to fruit-flavored drinks. Vice President Joe Biden preened for the MPAA while President Obama utilized gay innuendo to mock Vladimir Putin, all while the New York Times maintained a principled boycott of the chummy Washington social scene.

Secretary of State John Kerry and the Atlantic Council are demanding a New World Order as the Obama administration pushes NATO allies to increase defense spending to 2% of GDP. This geopolitical maneuvering coincides with the IMF approving a $17 billion bailout for Ukraine, while local police in Eastern Ukraine defect to pro-Russian separatists. The conflict is increasingly framed as a proxy war over Syrian gas pipeline routes between Qatar and the Russia-backed Islamic pipeline. In the United States, EPA Administrator Gina McCarthy and the Hip Hop Caucus are under fire for claiming carbon overload disproportionately impacts African-American communities through asthma rates. Meanwhile, Attorney General Eric Holder warns of a Cyber Pearl Harbor as Leon Panetta and Richard Clark are accused of selling vaporware security services. In California, the Alameda County Sheriff faces scrutiny after a deputy struck a pedestrian while speeding, yet avoided criminal charges from the District Attorney. Additional reports cover the ban of The Big Bang Theory in China and Senator Barbara Boxer confusing rapper 50 Cent with historical wage rates. Comedian Louis CK takes aim at the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation over Common Core standards that he claims are making children cry. Benjamin Netanyahu mocks the rise of selfie culture during a satellite interview, calling gadget-dependent users slaves. The program concludes with a technical breakdown of Net Neutrality by a network engineer who argues that Tim Wu’s original 2003 paper actually supports traffic prioritization over the current metered billing trajectory.

The New York Police Department faces a digital backlash after its #myNYPD social media campaign was flooded with images of police brutality instead of the intended community harmony. Adam Curry and John C. Dvorak analyze the militarization of domestic law enforcement, citing high-production recruitment videos from Texas and Philadelphia that resemble action films. This shift toward tactical policing coincides with White House advisor Lisa Monaco’s proposal for a comprehensive prevention model that encourages citizens to monitor and report radicalized behavior in their own neighborhoods. State Department spokesperson Jen Psaki faces intense questioning from reporter Matt Lee regarding the use of Twitter and Instagram photos as intelligence evidence for Russian military presence in Ukraine. Meanwhile, Professor Stephen Cohen warns of a potential balkanization of Ukraine as the Geneva Agreement falters and energy debts to Russia mount. In Asia, President Obama’s tour of Japan and the Philippines introduces the Asian Crimea meme to describe territorial tensions with China. Domestically, the IRS is under fire for awarding over $1 million in bonuses to employees who are themselves delinquent on federal taxes, while the FCC proposes new net neutrality rules that Dvorak argues are fundamentally misunderstood by the tech press. Adam Curry recounts his personal history with armed IRS agents and explains why he has opted out of the traditional credit system to rent for life. John C. Dvorak mocks the technical ignorance of PC Magazine’s Jill Duffy during her recent appearance on This Week in Tech. The episode concludes with a look at Wyclef Jean’s failed Haiti charity and the bizarre decision by Portland officials to flush 38 million gallons of drinking water due to a single reservoir trespasser.

An E. coli outbreak at a North Carolina county fair serves as the catalyst for a broader investigation into United Nations Agenda 21 health scare tactics. Adam Curry and John C. Dvorak analyze how local food sources and independent meat processing are being targeted through coordinated public health narratives. The episode also revisits the 2004 Illinois Senate race, detailing how Barack Obama secured his political ascent following the strategic release of Jack Ryan's divorce records. Secondary reports cover a U.S. Congressional resolution linking climate change to sex work and the history of sulfur dioxide cap-and-trade under George H.W. Bush. Media analysis reveals how Viacom and Vice Media allegedly coordinated Dennis Rodman's trip to North Korea, while Wachovia Bank faces scrutiny for laundering $378 billion for Mexican drug cartels. Additional segments detail a sexual harassment lawsuit against DHS official Suzanne Barr and the use of Androgel to treat sociological intimacy issues. The hosts also debunk a viral PBS clip claiming cell phones can be charged using Syrian water and Duracell batteries. John C. Dvorak recounts his victory at a Comdex chili cook-off using professional showgirls to secure the People's Choice Award. The episode features a strange audio glitch from Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel and a game-show style introduction for the Israeli Ambassador on The View. Adam Curry shares stories of amphetamine use in American manufacturing plants while celebrating the show's fifth anniversary from Mexico.

Edward Snowden appeared via a pre-recorded video on Vladimir Putin's annual call-in show, questioning the Russian President on mass surveillance. Putin denied the existence of American-style data collection, citing strict legal regulations and a lack of technical resources. The exchange highlights the ongoing geopolitical theater as Western corporations like Siemens continue drilling for fossil fuels in the Arctic despite U.S. sanctions. State Department spokesperson Jen Psaki released a document titled Russian Fiction: The Sequel, which the hosts critique for its simplified tone regarding the Ukraine conflict. Meanwhile, CIA Director John Brennan confirmed a visit to Kiev as former National Security Advisor Zbigniew Brzezinski urged the White House to provide defensive weaponry instead of food rations. In Syria, Secretary of State John Kerry is reportedly consulting with retired generals David Petraeus and Jack Keane, while journalist Seymour Hersh suggests Turkish Prime Minister Erdogan may have orchestrated false flag chemical attacks to provoke U.S. intervention. Daytime television reached a peak of absurdity as Jenny McCarthy announced her engagement on The View, providing a stark contrast to the removal of Saudi intelligence chief Prince Bandar bin Sultan. The hosts also examine the tragic case of Wu-Tang Clan affiliate Andre Johnson and the suspicious branding of the Heartbleed security bug. This episode features a formal knighting ceremony for top producers Stephen Wallard and Don Kiel.

The National Security Agency and the White House issued rare denials following a Bloomberg report claiming the agency exploited the Heartbleed bug for two years to gather intelligence. Security firm Codenomicon and Google researcher Neel Mehta are credited with the discovery, yet the presence of former White House cybersecurity coordinator Howard A. Schmidt as Codenomicon’s chairman raises questions about the timing of the disclosure. Meanwhile, journalists Glenn Greenwald and Laura Poitras returned to the United States to accept a journalism award, signaling a shift in their legal strategy as they seek to rebuild their domestic profiles through university speaking engagements. Medical experts including Dr. Russell Barkley are promoting a new diagnosis called Sluggish Cognitive Tempo (SCT), which critics link to pharmaceutical interests like Eli Lilly seeking to expand the market for ADHD medications. In the search for flight MH370, technical discrepancies emerged regarding the DK120 underwater locator beacon, as official reports of frequency drift to 33.3 kilohertz contradict manufacturer specifications. In Nevada, the Bureau of Land Management standoff with rancher Cliven Bundy is scrutinized for potential links to a solar farm deal involving Senator Harry Reid and a Chinese energy firm. Additionally, HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius resigned following the Affordable Care Act rollout, with Sylvia Burwell of the Walmart Foundation named as her successor. Adam Curry and John C. Dvorak analyze the rise of Cli-Fi, a literary genre focused on dystopian climate futures, while mocking the pseudo-intellectual jargon used by 3D-printed gun advocate Cody Wilson at the Oxford Union. The program features a Guess That Movie segment with clips from Ghostbusters and Death Wish 3, alongside a look at the unique lace doilies found in Tokyo taxis. Sir Jeffrey Gerlach is elevated to the rank of Viscount as the show maintains its value-for-value model despite a recent donation shortfall.

NASA has officially suspended most contact with the Russian Federation following the annexation of Crimea, though cooperation on the International Space Station remains a necessary exception. The internal directive prohibits travel, teleconferences, and even email correspondence between NASA employees and Russian government representatives. This geopolitical shift coincides with the Transatlantic Trade and Investment Partnership (TTIP) pivoting its focus from property rights to the urgent export of liquid natural gas to Europe. In the financial sector, author Nomi Prins details the historical revolving door between Goldman Sachs and the White House, while Jim Rickards warns that the petrodollar is under threat from BRICS nations seeking IMF reform. Domestic policy remains contentious as Attorney General Eric Holder faces off with Representative Louie Gohmert over the Fast and Furious investigation, and President Obama marks National Equal Pay Day using disputed wage gap statistics. Meanwhile, the Smoking Gun identifies Al Sharpton as a former FBI informant known as CI-7, a claim Sharpton defends by framing his cooperation as a crusade against organized crime. Technological vulnerabilities take center stage with the discovery of the Heartbleed bug in OpenSSL and the controversial appointment of Condoleezza Rice to the Dropbox board. The episode also features a knighting ceremony for producer Alex Zoglin following his successful 17,000-foot launch of a custom hobbyist rocket. From the satire of Mike Judge's Silicon Valley to the suspicious frequency discrepancies in the search for MH370, the narrative challenges mainstream media's scripted reality.

Malaysian opposition leader Anwar Ibrahim has publicly accused the government of withholding military radar data regarding the disappearance of flight MH370. Ibrahim, a former Minister of Defense, suggests the silence from regional powers like Indonesia and the failure of Australia’s Jindalee radar to detect the aircraft point toward gross incompetence or a deliberate cover-up. Meanwhile, CNN ratings have doubled as network chief Jeff Zucker maintains around-the-clock coverage of the search, even as families like Sarah Bajc express skepticism over official narratives. In Washington, a State Department Inspector General report reveals $6 billion in contractor funding went missing during Hillary Clinton’s tenure as Secretary of State. Clinton recently pivoted to a satellite appearance for a San Diego keynote to avoid protests from Benghazi victim mother Pat Smith. Simultaneously, former CIA Deputy Director Michael Morell faced scrutiny for his Charlie Rose interview, which critics labeled a scripted attempt to distance the agency from the failed Benghazi protest narrative. In Europe, thousands of protesters in Brussels clashed with police over EU austerity measures, resulting in a lockdown of the U.S. embassy that went largely ignored by American mainstream media. John C. Dvorak celebrates his 62nd birthday alongside the mysterious Satoshi Nakamoto as the show transitions to a new video vault auction inspired by the Wu-Tang Clan’s single-copy album gimmick. Adam Curry details the rise of corporate-sponsored STEM pipelines in Chicago schools while Sir Nutting is officially knighted into the No Agenda Round Table. The program concludes with an analysis of the Dutch Participation Society and the suspicious death of former ABN Amro CEO Jan Peter Schmittmann.

Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan and the Turkish government face a digital uprising after implementing a nationwide block on Twitter following unfavorable court orders. While President Abdullah Gul has publicly broken ranks with the administration to oppose the total ban, citizens in Istanbul are bypassing state filters using Google DNS and the OpenNIC project. The unrest is further complicated by the New America Foundation and Emily Parker, whose State Department-linked funding suggests a coordinated effort by the U.S. government to foment street protests through digital diplomacy tools. State Department official Ronan Farrow recently appeared on The Colbert Report to detail his role in the Office of Global Youth Issues, a division he described as a policy shop for international revolutions. Farrow’s rapid ascent through Yale Law and the Obama administration is analyzed alongside the appointment of Rebecca Richards as the first NSA Civil Liberties and Privacy Officer. Meanwhile, John Podesta leads a White House big data review that critics argue is a public relations maneuver to mask ongoing Gmail exploitation and upstream data collection by the intelligence community. In the private sector, NPN Media continues to syndicate native advertising packages to local news stations under brands like No More TV, blurring the line between corporate interests and independent journalism. In a tense social gathering in Austin, a group of pro-administration O-Bots clashed with skeptics over the gender pay gap and the missing Malaysia Airlines Flight 370. The evening took a bizarre turn when a guest labeled HPV as slut cancer, highlighting the cultural friction within the liberal elite. The program also features a formal knighting ceremony for Sir Jonathan Denison and Sir Brett Mahoney, welcoming them to the No Agenda Roundtable with the traditional honors of whiskey and wet wipes.

Robert Kennedy Jr. appeared on The Ed Schultz Show to label corporate-funded scientists "biostitutes," specifically accusing the Koch brothers and Exxon of spending $500 million to deceive the public on climate change. Kennedy claimed that while Exxon publicly acknowledges environmental shifts, they secretly fund a denier movement to protect reserves that could destroy civilization. This rhetoric coincides with a strategic pivot by the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) from mitigation to adaptation, a shift critics describe as a maneuver to secure a $100 billion research fund. IPCC Chairman Rajendra Pachauri and co-chair Christopher Field are promoting a new science of risk management, which the New York Times reports involved secret meetings in Yokohama to scrub specific funding figures from executive summaries. Meanwhile, California utilities like PG&E and Southern California Edison have begun issuing Climate Credits to customers, a move characterized as a government-led bribe to maintain support for industrial emission taxes. Internationally, President Xi Jinping concluded a European tour securing dairy deals with the Netherlands and expanding Daimler's presence in China, while Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev visited Crimea to establish a new special economic zone with aggressive tax breaks for Russian investors. In a bizarre turn of events, the disappearance of Malaysia Airlines flight MH370 is linked to strategic pressure on the Trans-Pacific Partnership as the US 7th Fleet maintains a presence in the Malacca Strait. Adam Curry and John C. Dvorak break down the "sealfee" protest against Ellen DeGeneres and the resignation of Mozilla CEO Brendan Eich following a targeted campaign by OkCupid. The duo also warns that the Amazon Fire TV remote functions as a persistent spy device within the home.

Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan has expanded digital crackdowns in Turkey, blocking YouTube following the leak of a high-level audio recording. The leaked audio allegedly captures senior Turkish ministers discussing a false flag operation involving a staged missile attack from Syria to justify military intervention. This provocation is reportedly designed to trigger NATO Article 5 and draw the United States into the Syrian conflict ahead of regional elections. President Barack Obama appeared on CBS News to characterize Vladimir Putin as a Cold War-era leader harboring grievances over the lost Soviet empire. Meanwhile, the U.S. House of Representatives passed HR 4278, the Ukraine Support Act, which authorizes security personnel, weaponry, and increased funding for Radio Free Europe. Treasury Secretary Jack Lew and IMF Managing Director Christine Lagarde are simultaneously pressuring Congress to approve 2010 IMF quota reforms. These reforms aim to transition the global financial system toward a multilateral model using Special Drawing Rights as a potential replacement for the U.S. dollar reserve status. In Europe, secessionist movements in the Veneto region and Sardinia are gaining momentum as citizens push back against crushing austerity measures imposed by the European Union. Adam Curry and John C. Dvorak navigate technical difficulties from Austin and Silicon Valley while investigating the mysterious 'arson' of the fictional Club 33. The duo mocks CNN for identifying a suspicious object in the MH370 search as a dead jellyfish and performs a formal knighting ceremony for Sir Baz Von Batteau. The episode concludes with the Ukrainian Internet Party officially nominating Darth Vader for the presidency of Ukraine.

CNN and major networks face mounting criticism for exploiting the Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 tragedy to drive record-breaking primetime ratings. While anchor Don Lemon explores fringe social media theories involving black holes, former NTSB Chair James Hall suggests the aircraft may have been diverted via remote-controlled cyber warfare. Meanwhile, Israeli security officials have placed Tel Aviv on high alert, fearing the missing Boeing 777 could be utilized as a guided missile against high-rise targets. Geopolitical tensions escalate as Senator John McCain labels Russia a gas station masquerading as a country following the annexation of Crimea. At the Center for Strategic and International Studies, veteran diplomat Zbigniew Brzezinski outlined an escalation ladder for Ukraine that includes providing lethal military equipment to counter Vladimir Putin. Simultaneously, the FBI continues its six-week terror arrest cycle with the apprehension of Nicholas Michael Toussaint, a National Guard washout allegedly lured into a Los Angeles subway plot by undercover agents. Technical revelations from the Privacy and Civil Liberties Oversight Board hearing confirm the NSA uses abouts collection to intercept American communications that merely mention foreign targets. In a lighter moment, the hosts recount a cringeworthy encounter with a Google Glass user in Austin and perform a formal knighting ceremony for David Varney and Elliot Gardner. The program concludes with a look at the Budweiser born-on date marketing origin story and the rise of the hall monitor syndrome in local American bureaucracy.

The U.S. Trade Representative launched a Section 301 investigation into Ukraine's intellectual property practices, targeting royalty collection and government software use just as the new leadership in Kiev takes power. This move coincides with the Crimea referendum, where voters face a choice between immediate Russian annexation or a temporary independence phase. Meanwhile, American industrial giants including PepsiCo and General Electric have warned Secretary of State John Kerry that aggressive sanctions against Vladimir Putin could trigger retaliatory seizures of U.S. corporate assets. Edward Snowden appeared via Google Hangout at South by Southwest, a move critics suggest served as a marketing vehicle for tech giants to rebrand data mining as privacy protection. In the media, Luke Harding released The Snowden Files amidst accusations of plagiarism from Glenn Greenwald, while Wired writer Steven Levy faced scrutiny for framing Silicon Valley titans as heroes against the NSA. Simultaneously, the U.S. Commerce Department announced plans to relinquish oversight of ICANN, sparking fears that the United Nations and ITU will eventually implement global internet censorship under a multi-stakeholder model. Weather Channel founder John Coleman challenged the global warming consensus, citing a lack of atmospheric warming since 1998 despite $22 billion in annual federal climate expenditures. The 600th episode celebration featured a global donor roll call, including Sir John Martinez of Garlic Belch and a knighthood ceremony for the No Agenda Round Table. Evie Poumpouras appeared on CNN to discuss the MH370 disappearance, offering a cynical psychological profile of the missing pilots.

A fatal drunk driving incident at the South by Southwest festival in Austin, Texas, involving a Prius that struck 23 people, led to an unexpected diplomatic proposal. During a meeting with the Dutch delegation and the Secretary of Economics from DC, an informal offer was made for a host to become the honorary consul to the Netherlands. This potential role includes an expense account and diplomatic license plates, highlighting the strange intersections of local tragedy and international relations. Questions persist regarding the disappearance of Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 as military radar reports from Kuala Lumpur remain suppressed. While the Pentagon utilizes global satellite tracking, the lack of crash evidence suggests the plane may have landed at a remote military airstrip rather than suffering a structural failure. Meanwhile, Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg and the Girl Scouts of America launched the Ban Bossy campaign to police language in leadership. Financial records for Lady Gaga’s Born This Way Foundation reveal that only $5,000 of $2.2 million in income was distributed as grants, with the majority of funds covering a $348,000 bus tour production. Richard Branson’s Carbon War Room continues to pressure the shipping industry toward a low-carbon economy, which critics view as a front for a universal carbon tax. Edward Snowden appeared at South by Southwest via a Google Hangout, a platform choice that drew sharp criticism from privacy advocates like Chris Soghoian. The segment captures the irony of using centralized cloud services to discuss NSA malware spoofing. In a lighter moment, the hosts critique the branding of listener-submitted art for the upcoming 600th episode, reminding the audience to adhere to the strict Crackpot and Buzzkill style guidelines.

The disappearance of Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 triggers global scrutiny of Boeing safety and the security failures of stolen passports. The investigation into the missing aircraft coincides with the controversial sentencing of Malaysian opposition leader Anwar Ibrahim, while State Department officials Jen Psaki and Matt Lee face questions regarding U.S. interests in the region's political stability. German Chancellor Angela Merkel resists economic sanctions against Vladimir Putin as trade ties and energy dependence dictate Berlin's cautious response to the Ukraine crisis. Reports of Blackwater mercenaries in Donetsk and the secret transport of Ukrainian gold reserves to the United States circulate alongside warnings from Zbigniew Brzezinski regarding nuclear risks at Chernobyl. Meanwhile, former Fed Chairman Alan Greenspan warns that a shift toward a Gas Euro could dismantle the established petrodollar system. Liz Wall faces criticism for her high-profile resignation from RT America and subsequent media tour with Piers Morgan and Neil Cavuto. Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew are accused of using scare tactics to fund a legal defense against Personal Audio, while the hosts prepare for Lady Gaga's keynote at the South by Southwest festival in Austin.

Samsung reportedly paid $20 million for product integration during the 2014 Academy Awards, including the viral selfie taken by Ellen DeGeneres on a Galaxy Note 3. This erosion of the editorial divide highlights a growing trend of native advertising where corporate interests dictate media programming. The hosts contrast this corporate model with their listener-supported framework while mocking DeGeneres for tweeting backstage photos from an iPhone despite her Samsung sponsorship. RT anchors Abby Martin and Liz Wahl made headlines with on-air protests and resignations regarding Russia's military occupation of Crimea. Wahl appeared on CNN with Anderson Cooper immediately following her departure, sparking theories of a coordinated State Department operation. Meanwhile, leaked audio between EU official Catherine Ashton and Estonian Foreign Minister Urmas Paet suggests snipers in Kiev may have targeted both police and protesters. Professor Stephen Cohen argues that 20 years of NATO expansion toward Russian borders triggered the current military confrontation, while the U.S. Department of Energy begins issuing natural gas export permits to counter Gazprom's influence. Matthew McConaughey caused a stir in Hollywood by thanking God during his Best Actor acceptance speech, a moment the hosts suggest made the industry audience visibly uncomfortable. John C. Dvorak and Adam Curry also find time to investigate a skunk infestation in Austin and review David Lynch's surrealist classic Eraserhead. The episode concludes with a look at the FDA approval of the powerful opioid Zohydro and the British royal family's depleted repair funds for Buckingham Palace.

The British intelligence agency GCHQ, in partnership with the NSA, intercepted millions of private webcam images from Yahoo users under a surveillance program codenamed Optic Nerve. This massive data collection, which occurred between 2008 and 2010, captured significant amounts of undesirable nudity and was used to develop facial recognition capabilities. While intelligence officials claim the bulk collection was legal, the failure of Pierre Omidyar and The Intercept to break the story—which went to The Guardian instead—raises questions about the independence of billionaire-funded media outlets. In Ukraine, the autonomous Republic of Crimea has rescheduled its referendum for March 30 as local People's Militia units take control of Simferopol airport to block radicals from Kiev. Despite Western media reports of a Russian invasion, local volunteers claim they are guarding the region against fascist elements while Ukraine negotiates with Gazprom over a two-billion-dollar energy debt. Simultaneously, the FDA has approved Zohydro ER, a high-dose hydrocodone pill, despite an 11-2 rejection vote by its own advisory committee. Media coverage of the launch, including a controversial Forbes article by Melanie Haken, is being criticized as native advertising for a drug described as heroin in a pill. Sir Michael Allen, a conductor for the Long Island Railway, shares harrowing accounts of the public mental health crisis, including passengers throwing feces and threatening to blow up trains over lost iPods. The episode also features a cynical look at President Obama's My Brother's Keeper initiative and the strange case of a listener survey conducted via Ukrainian webcam girls. From the collapse of the Mt. Gox Bitcoin exchange to the suspicious timing of Hillary Clinton health rumors, the analysis remains focused on de-douching the global news cycle.

Attorney General Eric Holder was hospitalized this week after experiencing sudden faintness and shortness of breath, sparking immediate speculation regarding the stability of the Department of Justice leadership. In Crimea, tensions escalate as Russian speakers in Simferopol challenge the new Kiev government while the Russian Black Sea Fleet redeploys hardware from Sochi to Sevastopol. These geopolitical shifts coincide with Ukraine facing $66 billion in maturing external debt and significant exposure to Russian creditors like Gazprom Bank. State Department official Victoria Nuland addressed the US-Ukraine Foundation, an entity backed by Chevron and ExxonMobil, just as Chevron secured a $10 billion fracking contract in the region. Secretary of State John Kerry denounced the kleptocracy of ousted President Yanukovych while UN Ambassador Samantha Power reported on the humanitarian crisis in Syria, where residents in Guta allegedly received religious dispensation to eat cats and dogs. Meanwhile, Mike Lofgren detailed the Anatomy of the Deep State, highlighting a $1.7 billion NSA facility in Utah and the complicity of Silicon Valley firms in domestic surveillance operations. In Egypt, illegal construction on the Nile Delta has claimed 20% of the nation's fertile farmland, threatening long-term food security. Education activist Peg Luksik warned that Common Core computer adaptive testing is designed to measure a child's threshold for behavior change rather than academic knowledge. The broadcast also noted the viral image of Benjamin Netanyahu’s finger casting a shadow mustache on Angela Merkel and the emergence of the Ottomania branding trend in Turkey. Sir Michael Allen was knighted as the Knight of the Railroad Conductors for his continued support of the program.

Vladimir Putin faces a strategic crisis in Ukraine as violent protests in Kiev threaten to shift NATO borders further east during the Sochi Olympics. Secretary of State John Kerry and the Obama administration are accused of driving a neocon agenda in the region while public figures like George Clooney and Vitali Klitschko frame the unrest for Western audiences. The standoff between President Viktor Yanukovych and pro-EU demonstrators suggests a return to Cold War-era geopolitics on the Russian border. In Venezuela, opposition leader Leopoldo Lopez surrenders to the Maduro government to seek martyrdom, mirroring the instability seen in Eastern Europe. Meanwhile, the Department of Homeland Security issues a shoe bomb terror alert for international flights, a move interpreted as a marketing tactic for expensive airport security hardware. In the United States, the FCC moves to regulate the internet following a court defeat, while Facebook acquires WhatsApp for $19 billion to secure its massive database of social relationships. Additional reports cover the sentencing of former Contra Costa Deputy Stephen Tanabe for a "Dirty DUI" entrapment scheme and General John Allen's admission regarding Afghanistan's trillion-dollar lithium deposits. Adam Curry recounts a high-level meeting at the Austin Club with former Iraq Inspector General Stuart Bowen where the price of a Texas senate seat was revealed to be $500,000. The hosts also perform a formal knighting ceremony for Sir Kurt and Sir Baz while debunking the "kale scam" and the rebranding of poor man's lettuce as a superfood. John C. Dvorak and Curry conclude with a look at the Pussy Riot whipping incident in Sochi, questioning the authenticity of the footage.